I sent TM a message, explaining how I feel.
No response.
No call.
Not even a text.
=(

Having a VERY down day...

I talked to TM for a bit...And suggested ending what we had...and he didn't say yes or no, so I assume we're good in that department. I am trying not to be so needy, I really am. I just called earlier, cause I wanted to hear his voice, and be reminded that there is indeed someone that cares about me. He called me back, after reading my status on F-Book, and we chatted. See, that shows to me, that he does indeed care, about how I feel. Even if he tries to cover it up.

He just needs to relax, let go, and enjoy the ride. That's what I think. We have 6 months, give or take until he leaves, and I want to make the most of those 6 months. I want to show him how wild I can be in bed. I want to drink hot chocolate with him, and watch the sunrise over the frozen lake. I want to show him, what it's like to be liked. If he would just give me a chance. He says he's not worthy of being loved. I most definitely beg to differ. I sometimes think that I'm not worthy of having a guy like him like me.

Bahhh....

Enough of that for the time being.

xxoo

I'm so confused.
I am so unsure of what I really want.
I know I want to love, and be loved.
But, will I really get that with the direction I'm going?
I don't want to feel used.
I want a best friend, a lover. I've got that with TM.
I just can't help but wonder if he still feels the same.
I just wish he'd talk to me about how he feels.
Look forward to talking to him, and he's a jerk. Hmmmph. Love that feeling, fucking love it.
I've also realized that I seriously need to rethink the way I'm living my life.
Making some changes. Going out to Midland tomorrow morning, to go to church. Yep, you read it right.

On a more serious note, I'm working on writing something meaningful. It's harder than I had imagined. Taking lots of time, and putting lots of thought into it.