Grrrr...

Normally, I wouldn't be happy, just being someone's friend with benefits. But, with you, it's different. Knowing that you've somehow miraculously made the commitment, means something to me. It wouldn't mean much to most people, but it does to me. I love how you think I'm an awesome girl. Or at least you say you do. It's been awhile since I've had someone, let alone a boy say that to me, and actually mean it. I don't want to push you anymore. I just want to tell you how I feel. And, to be honest, I feel like we're a couple. We have the couple-y talks, and we act couple-y. So, therefore I feel like a couple. That's just the way I feel. Please don't respond with just a yep...hahahaha. --What needed to be said.

Sometimes, I want there to be more, sometimes I don't. I just want things to be as less complicated as they have to be. I do know one thing, this boy makes me happier than any other boy. And he's just a friend.

I'm feeling a little lovey dovey, you'll have to excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm also uber stressed, and writing seems to be the only way to alleviate that stress. (Good word, alleviate!!)

I'm hoping that Matt comes down this weekend. I REALLY am. It'd be nice to see him, I feel like I haven't seen him in forever, which is very true. I'd give anything to hug him. Have him waiting for me when I get out of work on Friday. :) *hint hint, nudge nudge*...

Church was great!
Sermon was about commitment.
Hah!! What a coincidence.

I sent TM a message, explaining how I feel.
No response.
No call.
Not even a text.
=(

Having a VERY down day...

I talked to TM for a bit...And suggested ending what we had...and he didn't say yes or no, so I assume we're good in that department. I am trying not to be so needy, I really am. I just called earlier, cause I wanted to hear his voice, and be reminded that there is indeed someone that cares about me. He called me back, after reading my status on F-Book, and we chatted. See, that shows to me, that he does indeed care, about how I feel. Even if he tries to cover it up.

He just needs to relax, let go, and enjoy the ride. That's what I think. We have 6 months, give or take until he leaves, and I want to make the most of those 6 months. I want to show him how wild I can be in bed. I want to drink hot chocolate with him, and watch the sunrise over the frozen lake. I want to show him, what it's like to be liked. If he would just give me a chance. He says he's not worthy of being loved. I most definitely beg to differ. I sometimes think that I'm not worthy of having a guy like him like me.

Bahhh....

Enough of that for the time being.

xxoo

I'm so confused.
I am so unsure of what I really want.
I know I want to love, and be loved.
But, will I really get that with the direction I'm going?
I don't want to feel used.
I want a best friend, a lover. I've got that with TM.
I just can't help but wonder if he still feels the same.
I just wish he'd talk to me about how he feels.
Look forward to talking to him, and he's a jerk. Hmmmph. Love that feeling, fucking love it.
I've also realized that I seriously need to rethink the way I'm living my life.
Making some changes. Going out to Midland tomorrow morning, to go to church. Yep, you read it right.

On a more serious note, I'm working on writing something meaningful. It's harder than I had imagined. Taking lots of time, and putting lots of thought into it.

Hope I didn't do anything wrong. :(
He's been avoiding me all day!

Baby..

You bring out the best of me.

And another.

Mmm, phone sex.
It’s so hot
Hearing your voice on the other end of the line
Talking dirty to me
Getting me wetter
Hearing your moans
Hearing you call out my name
As you jack off that sweet hard cock of yours
Fantasizing that you are fucking me so hard
I moan back in unison with you
Thrusting my hand all over and into my pussy
Getting it drenched in my wetness
Fantasizing the same thing that you are
Hearing you cum for me
Cumming so hard
Knowing that you are waiting to hear me cum too
Feeling my orgasm approaching
Moaning louder into the phone
Almost deafening you
Then feeling my sweet release as I cum for you
All over my hand
Tasting myself as I bring my hand to my mouth
Wishing you could taste me too
Both of us feeling satsified
Saying goodbye and hanging up the phone
Knowing that both of us can hardly wait till the next time that we will do this again.

:)--Thinking of youuuuuuuu.

Phone Sex

Forgive me if this is just too corny,
But you know I get so horny,
Here I sit all alone
Listening for the telephone;
Thinking if you'd only ring
It might relieve this boredom thing.
I long to have you fill my mouth,
And possibly some places further south;
You may think me a little dumb,
But it would surely make me cum!
Of course my only one desire
Should be to take you even higher,
But a girl needs satisfaction too,
And that,I hope you would do.
So please take pity on this one
And lets's have us a little fun;
Even if only on the phone,
It's so much better than all alone.
I hope you'll like what I've just said;
Unless of course you're deaf,dumb,or dead!!

"Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said." Mark Twain

I just had one of the best laughs I've had in awhile. I had made someone a mix CD awhile back, and it somehow got in my car. Oh my God. There are some fucked up songs on that CD. Definitely not feeling the same now. :)

Made pot roast, potatoes, and carrots for dinner, at work.
Also made vegetable pizza.

The ladies do love my cooking!!! Especially the veggie pizza. Next week is taco salad. :) Gettin' all domesticated. LOVE it.

Matt and I had another interesting talk. I'm pretty sure he's not going to hurt me. If he does, oh well. We should still be friends. I'm not worried. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. I almost lost the little bugger last night. Woulda been a bit sad. I don't like ending things on bad terms.

Matty-you're amazing. That's all that needs to be said. I miss you.

Starting over again.
It was getting a bit too mushy.
I do that from time to time.
Post a lot, then junk 'em.
Well, I save 'em on my computer.
No, it's not because of you, MH